A Lesson Learned

Saturday night, I initiated a disciplinary measure that was recommended by a friend of mine years ago. Dinner was homemade chicken noodle soup, but Julie (who has always preferred canned chicken noodle soup) decided that she didn't want it. After making this very clear verbally, Everest joined in--as always. He usually likes everything I make, unless Julie says she doesn't like it first.

This was extremely frustrating because I did not want to give in and let them have anything else. So I pulled out the discipline card--"If you don't eat this tonight, it's going in the fridge. Then you'll be offered only this for every meal until you decide to eat it."

They didn't believe me.

Sunday morning was a challenge, let me tell you. Even good homemade soup isn't everyone's fave for breakfast. But that's what they were offered--and nothing else. Neither one wanted it, so they went to church hungry.



Though they got snacks during Sunday school, it still wasn't enough, of course. When we got home, the soup was offered again, and both refused--until two hours later. They were asking for snacks, but they were told that they could have their soup or nothing.

Finally, Everest caved, and surprise-surprise. Turns out he thought the soup was actually really yummy. Hmm. So he got to have something different for dinner. Julie held out until the evening, but when she saw that Everest got a new dinner, she finally caved and ate almost every bite of her soup--plus several other items afterward because she was so hungry!

I know it sounds extreme, and no, I wouldn't have let them starve. But the fact is that the only thing standing in their way was their own stubbornness. And let me tell you--when I made dinner on Monday and Tuesday nights, they ate it ALL with few complaints.

Ah, sweet victory.

In other Sunday news, Julie worked on her school project and Everest continued to be enamored with his 25-piece puzzle.

Christmas Eve Revelations

Ah, Christmas weekend. It flew by so fast that I didn't even have time to blog...

Friday, Christmas Eve, we went to Chick-fil-A for breakfast as a family. The kids enjoyed the time with us and got to play in the play area for awhile. Heath took off from there to go get some work done at the school.



When we got home, I had the kids put their laundry away, then they were allowed to play. Julie wanted to go outside, and I suggested that she check to see if J. was able to go play. Turns out, she was!

Everest stayed inside because he was pretty tired by then. Eventually, J.'s little sister asked for permission to come join Everest while he was watching a movie. Both the other girls came in too and played a game together.




The impromptu playdate ended a little badly--all over a fight about Santa Claus. Now, I've stated before why we made the decision to tell our kids the truth about Santa. But this year has been the first that it has backfired.

By way of a caveat, we have always told her that some families play the game for real and that she is not to tell anyone the secret about Santa not being real. But, well, you know how it goes...

First, at school, Julie told the kid who sits next to her that Santa was not real, and he got so mad that he cut one of her silly bands in half. He later told me at the Christmas party that he didn't like sitting next to Julie because she didn't believe in Santa.

Then, at the playdate on Christmas Eve, J. asked Julie if she was excited for Santa to come tomorrow. When Julie told her that he wasn't real, J. got really upset. She ended up going home early, leaving her sister at our house!

I tried to talk to Julie later, but she was quite irate about the whole thing. It finally came out, and she cried, "Why do I have to know? It's no fun!" Oh, I was crushed. So we talked about how we always wanted to tell her the truth--even when it came to Santa Claus. I even went so far as to tell her the reasoning behind it all--that if she found out Santa wasn't real, she might think that Jesus isn't real too. Thankfully that clicked for her.

But I asked if she wanted to pretend and play the game like Santa was real, and do it just for fun. She tearfully nodded. Goodness gracious. Who knew there would be such repercussions?

When Heath got home, he played Yahtzee with Julie while Everest and I made cookie dough. Then it was time to leave for Christmas Eve service. Everest decided that he wanted to come to "big church" with the rest of us, instead of staying in the preschool. He actually did fairly well and didn't get too antsy until the last 10 minutes. Pretty good for an almost-4-year old.





After church, we stopped back at home so the kids could get in their jammies. While they were doing that, Heath put their new Pillow Pets in the carseats for them to find when we went back out. We swung by Taco Bell and got some dinner, then drove around town to look at Christmas lights. Unfortunately, all my pictures of the lights turned into Las Vegas action shots.



One the way home, we stopped at Dunkin Donuts to get a dozen. The kids brought their Pillow Pets in to show the lady at the counter. :o)



The kids went to bed very easily, and Heath actually fell asleep too. I stayed up to arrange the presents, stuff stockings, and do some cooking and baking. I also set out some cookies for the kids and a note from Santa.

The Purge, part 1

After church this morning, we went in search of boxes for a massive clutter-purge I have been planning. The grocery store was out, so we went by a liquor store next door. (They always have good, sturdy boxes.) I had an interesting conversation with Julie as we were walking across the parking lot. She asked me, "What exactly does alcohol do?"

I had to really think about how to describe its effects. At last, I settled on, "Alcohol makes it hard to think quickly."

"Why would anybody want to do that?" she asked.

"Some people think it's fun."

"Doesn't sound fun to me." Smart girl. "Alcohol is bad!"

Good start, but I didn't want her to attach that judgment to a product. My reply was, "Drinking alcohol isn't bad. Drinking too much alcohol is what's bad. Just like anything else--having too much is not healthy."

Alcohol is not inherently evil. After all, Jesus' first miracle was to provide wine (very good wine in fact) for a bride and groom and their wedding guests. There is nothing wrong with wine. It's the abuse of wine that is the problem.

She seemed to understand that concept very well. The same is true for ice cream; some ice cream is fine, but too much ice cream will make you sick. And isn't that true of so many things in life as well?

The very sweet lady at the liquor store carried the boxes out to our car, and we headed home on a mission to purge. I've been feeling ready to let go of a lot lately. I occasionally go through a section of the house for Goodwill donations, but I haven't yet done a deep down purge. That is, we haven't really looked hard at the stuff that has been sitting around for ages, broken or untouched, and considered getting rid of it.

It's not like we buy a lot of things, but we used to. So there's junk all over the place, and as it accumulates (even slowly), the potential living space gets crowded over.

Heath tackled the outside storage closet (which was an utter disaster), while the kids took on their toy areas downstairs, and I went through the storage in the kitchen, the kitchen itself, and most of the living room. When he was done with the outdoor closet, Heath came in and dug into the coat closet.




It was amazing the amount of junk we found--both salvageable enough for Goodwill and that which could only be trashed. I went through everything. Every cupboard, every plastic box, every basket, even the fireplace mantel and the decor on top of the armoire. We filled both of outside trash cans and then some. We filled several boxes and bags, absolutely filling our trunk.

Though it was a huge leap of faith in my future self to not allow clutter in, I donated several containers of varying types that we have used for storing junk. The theory is that without the containers, we won't be tempted to fill them.

In the end, we consolidated a lot of space and ended up with open areas where there had previously been piles of stuff. The section of living room in the picture below may not look fully cleared out, but it is certainly a LOT better compared to what it was before. (I should have taken a picture, but it was too scary.) Notice the couple places of empty shelf space!



I still want to go through all the CDs, the stereo cabinet, and the area around the stereo cabinet, but that will have to wait for another day. We had reached our work limit, and honestly, there wasn't a lot of space left in the car for more. I also plan on going through the upstairs with a fine-toothed comb and really clear out as much as possible. We have drawers full of stuff that we never touch. It must go!



We packed everything up, unloaded at Goodwill, then swung by KFC for dinner. We'd originally planned to take our food to a park for a picnic, but they'd forgotten to give us eating utensils, so we ended up back at home. It didn't matter though because we were together, and that was the point. We haven't had a meal together in quite awhile, or so it feels that way.

Heath put Everest to bed while Julie and I read The Dragon & the Turtle for her daily reading and report for school. It was a fun way to end the day. By time we got upstairs, both the boys had fallen asleep. Julie and I laid in her bed, chatting in whispers for a long time.

When Heath woke up, he went to give snuggles to Julie for awhile, but it seems he's fallen asleep in her bed too! I don't blame him though--he DID just hike 20+ miles of mountainous terrain over the last few days.

As for me, I did end up going to bed early last night, and I plan to do the same this evening as well. Looks like I'm on a roll. :o)

A Lesson in Earnings

Monday was a work day. I had a nice breakfast with the kids, but afterwards I had to buckle down and get some work done. Heath took them out to go rock scrambling at Palmer Park, which they LOVED. They came back in a couple hours, all pink and sweaty, but very happy.

I took a break to have lunch with them--grilled cheese and alphabet soup. While I was cooking, they started cleaning out Julie's desk together.




You may wonder why they were so excited about cleaning out her desk. Here's the thing: We have hit upon an insanely effective reward system. Using poker chips as tokens, we've set up a system where actions equal tokens, and tokens may be traded in for rewards. Here's the short breakdown...

Each kid can earn 1 token by doing any of the following:

• Read for 15 minutes
• Do a specified chore
• Complete 4 educational worksheets

If they work well or read together, they can EACH earn a token for the SAME chore or reading time.

They can trade in 1 token for:

• 30 minutes of TV
• 25 cents
• 1 tally-mark toward buying How to Train Your Dragon on DVD (60 required)

Heath and I are both amazed at how much they have both contributed to the DVD. It is intangible right now, but we're keeping a list on the door with a column for each child's contributions toward the DVD. Sometimes they trade tokens for TV time, but it has been around a 40/60 split between that and saving for the DVD. (Only once has a quarter been requested so far.)

Anyway, I think we're onto something here. They are now asking for ways to earn tokens, and we are getting ZERO complaining about not getting to watch TV without the use of tokens. Instead, we are getting the question, "What can I do to earn a token?" I call that progress, my friends!



We took Heath to work later that afternoon (since the truck is still out of commission), then went to the gym. I had a great, full-length workout there. We had permission to get Chick-fil-A for dinner, so I swung by there on the way back.

The kids read for tokens, then went out to play with the neighbor kids while I moderated the Monday night chat. When they came in, they traded a token for 30 minutes of The Incredibles.

I was surprised to find that they did not seem disturbed to have to stop it at 30 minutes in. Julie asked if they could read some more for another token, but it was getting late at that point, so I said no. Neither one put up a fuss though, which was completely unexpected. I really think this reward system must be working. :o)

After they went down to bed, I worked on some freelance work until Heath got home. Then I helped him finish the project we were doing on Sunday. I received sporadic shoulder and foot massages while we worked, which was just fine by me for payment! Unfortunately, we didn't finish until almost 3:00 a.m. But we found out Tuesday that his boss was truly impressed by the documents we prepared, so the goal was met!

Parting Shot:

Talking to Our Kids

I was IMing with one of my young friends today, and the topic of parent-child communication came up. I thought I would share since it's been awhile since my last post. *whistles*



I can see how it would be hard to take criticism from a child (both younger and older). Some parents might take it a little too personally. It's in our nature to be defensive.

Julie has actually done this to me before. But I honestly believe it's the parent's responsibility to at least give some thought to what was said--especially if it is said out of love or concern.

It's also a way to respect the thought process of your children. Everyone is entitled to an opinion. My little kids have opinions, and I want them to know that those opinions matter. (Yes, even if it has to do with me.)

That's why I try so hard to listen them and let them know that what they have to say is important--even if it's just about why one park is better than another or whatever. Because when they want to talk to me about the things that really DO matter, then they'll know that I'm willing to listen.

That's my parenting tip for the day. ;o)

For those born 1930 - 1979

A friend of mine sent this to me today in an email. I find it sort of amusing, so here it is.

-----------------------------------------

TO ALL THE KIDS WHO SURVIVED THE
1930's, 40's, 50's, 60's and 70's:

First, we survived being born to mothers who smoked and/or drank while they were pregnant.

They took aspirin, ate blue cheese dressing, tuna from a can and didn't get tested for diabetes.

Then after that trauma, we were put to sleep on our tummies in baby cribs covered with bright colored lead-base paints.

We had no childproof lids on medicine bottles, locks on doors or cabinets and when we rode our bikes, we had baseball caps not helmets on our heads.

As infants & children, we would ride in cars with no car seats, no booster seats, no seat belts, no air bags, bald tires and sometimes no brakes.

Riding in the back of a pick-up truck on a warm day was always a special treat.

We drank water from the garden hose and not from a bottle.

We shared one soft drink with four friends, from one bottle and no one actually died from this.

We ate cupcakes, white bread, real butter and bacon. We drank Kool-Aid made with real white sugar. And, we weren't overweight. WHY?

Because we were always outside playing...that's why!

We would leave home in the morning and play all day, as long as we were back when the streetlights came on.

No one was able to reach us all day. And, we were O.K.

We would spend hours building our go-carts out of scraps and then ride them down the hill, only to find out we forgot the brakes. After running into the bushes a few times, we learned to solve the problem..

We did not have Playstations, Nintendos and X-boxes. There were no video games, no 150 channels on cable, no video movies or DVD's, no surround-sound or CD's, no cell phones, no personal computers, no Internet and no chat rooms.

We had friends, and we went outside and found them!

We fell out of trees, got cut, broke bones and teeth and there were no lawsuits from these accidents.

We ate worms and mud pies made from dirt, and the worms did not live in us forever.

We were given BB guns for our 10th birthdays, made up games with sticks and tennis balls and, although we were told it would happen, we did not put out very many eyes.

We rode bikes or walked to a friend's house and knocked on the door or rang the bell, or just walked in and talked to them.

Little League had tryouts and not everyone made the team. Those who didn't had to learn to deal with disappointment.

IMAGINE THAT!

The idea of a parent bailing us out if we broke the law was unheard of. They actually sided with the law!

These generations have produced some of the best risk-takers, problem solvers and inventors ever.

The past 50 years have been an explosion of innovation and new ideas.

We had freedom, failure, success and responsibility, and we learned how to deal with it all. If YOU are one of them? CONGRATULATIONS!



Kind of makes you want to run through the house with scissors, doesn't it?